Nourish relationships and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

Appreciation NVC-style (3/3)

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We “receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that contributed to others’ well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled. We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can each enhance the quality of others’ lives.” (Rosenberg, M, Nonviolent Communication, A Language Of Life, 2003, p. 188)

2015, Nov-12, Pedernales2There is nothing to be shy about. There is nothing to be proud about. There is everything to be happy about: life is wonderful when we contribute to needs being met! We celebrate needs met: ours or others. Receiving appreciation is letting go of our inferiority complex, our superiority complex, or even our notions of equality.

Appreciation is beyond judgement.

Receiving appreciation NVC-style is stepping into the understanding that we inter-are and that your happiness is connected to my happiness, that we share an inter-happiness. We don’t need a special skill to contribute. We don’t need to hide in embarrassment when our contribution is appreciated. We don’t need to pretend that everyone would have done the same. Receiving appreciation has nothing to do with wondering if we are worthy of appreciation.

Receiving appreciation is the unique opportunity to deepen our understanding of the needs that are alive and important to the other person. It is a quality of understanding that is like reading a personal manual of their idiosyncratic well-being.

It is also an opportunity to know ourselves and understand our contribution-niche: these are the actions that I enjoy taking that others enjoy receiving. It may be a signpost for the crossroads of our purpose in life: “this is what I am good at, that brings more joy and happiness in the world.” When we receive appreciation we open up to “the awareness that God has given everyone the power to enrich the lives of others.” (Rosenberg, p. 189).

When we receive appreciation in this way, we give a boost to our aspirations: what if we did this everyday? Wouldn’t that make the world a better place? For you and for me?


You want help to receive appreciation? Contact me for a free, discovery session, 512-589-0482.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping professionals schedule time for relationships and self-care. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

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