I had three mediation sessions with Elly, and through her mediation was able to understand and communicate with my sister in a way we had not been able to in several years. Elly skillfully navigated us through tough emotions and ensured that all parties felt heard. Once we felt heard, it was a lot easier to think about solutions. Thanks to Elly, my sister and I are talking again.
Communication, co-parenting, trauma ~ Facilitated dialogue/mediation
Christine had a daughter who struggled with depression and suicide attempts. They admitted her to a residential treatment center. The therapist told her that she and her ex-husband were part of the problem and needed to work on their communication.
She felt scared to work with her ex-husband because he had attacked her seven years ago when she had told him she had filed for sole custody.
In our sessions, they learned to listen to each other and focus on what they had in common: love for their daughter. They resolved issues ranging from removing razor blades from the home, limiting screen time, to where she could meet her friends.
As a result, Christine feels more relaxed when their daughter is at his house and she doesn’t check in on her every two hours. She and her ex-husband even enjoyed the friendly connection, when they flew out to bring their daughter back home.
The last thing I’ve heard of her is that their daughter is doing well. The increased trust in her ex-husband sure helped with that.
When we’re in your hands, Elly, I feel safe and things go well. I get glimmers of hope because I see that we are capable of communicating more effectively together when you help us with that.
I feel that these dialogues are very, very helpful. They give me the promise and felt experience of an alternate way of interacting.
The Marshall Rosenberg stuff is new content for me and I really feel these dialogues have been worth it just for my own development and journey to know this body of work and to have experienced it firsthand in your capable facilitation hands.
I find the list of feelings and needs very enlightening. I’m a practicing organization development consultant, and we build on the field of psychology. I am benefiting from these dialogues in my professional practice as well.
One thing I have really appreciated about you is your neutral stance. Because I had very little sympathy for my ex-husband. In your neutral stance and giving equal time to paraphrasing him and me, and that I was supposed to listen to him, you have actually helped me develop compassion for him.
And I appreciate that because, in my own orbit, everyone’s kind of on my side of things. And thanks to you, I’m developing -and it’s scary because I don’t want it to get abused by him- but I am developing a new sense of compassion for him.
What is mediation?
- the ground rules
- a brief introduction of Nonviolent Communication, the framework I use for these sessions
- sheet with feelings and needs, pay special attention to the needs
As a mediator I help two (or more) parties to share their feelings and needs and be heard. As a result you deepen a shared understanding of of each party’s’ concerns while empowering every participant to formulate solutions that work well, without the need to compromise values. The mediator fosters a climate of unconditional acceptance, understanding, and compassion for each parties’ position. She helps parties gain trust and develop greater transparency. When parties are able to openly share their feelings and underlying needs, they create solutions that fully and compassionately support the experience of the other party. Mediation has the power to transform enemy images into deeper connection and a greater willingness to fulfill requests. Participation in the process also empowers the understanding and skills needed to continue the dialog beyond the mediation session, building trust between parties, and self-trust within parties of their own conflict transformation skills.
What are the benefits of mediation?
- Understanding of key concerns of all parties
- Acceptance of each other’s experience
- Ability to connect to the feelings and needs in each other’s experience
- Finding mutually supportive strategies
- Empowerment to continue the dialog beyond the mediation session
Principles of Elly van Laar Coaching
- Conflict is an opportunity to connect and understand
- Empathy and compassion always work
- We focus on creating a safe container for honest expression and open listening
- We support self-determination
- You are the master of this process, Elly helps you grow your conflict resolution skills
You can contact Elly van Laar Coaching Monday-Friday 10:00-6:00 pm
“I loved your room, and your calm voice and demeanor were a huge help at keeping things settled down.” Aimee Hayes, Plymouth, July 2016
Why Ginger and Marcella felt safe enough to address their issues and found a new way to collaborate
- How Nick, Andrea, and Michael figured out how to collaborate, found solutions that work for everyone, and increased their trust
Why a mom and her daughter finally understood each other so they had more harmony together
How Peter and Lily prevented a divorce and figured out to live with their differences so they were happier together