Balance purpose, relationships, and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

Inner mediation between my father, my grandfather and me 1/3

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Thank God for friends. Thank God for friends who empathize. Thank God for friends who participate in the Mediate Your Life Program. And my goodness, thank God for Leah Wolftal.

I am overwhelmed with fear about my poison ivy rash, our house, my income. I don’t know how to respond, and I need help. I ask Leah to mediate between different parts of me: my grandfather-part and my father-part.

Father and sonI start with my grandfather.

Hans, I love you… I love you so much. I see how worried you are about Elly. That she is not taking good care of herself, and doesn’t understand how important and urgent it is to make a living, to build up pension, to have health insurance. I see how hard you try to help her realize that she needs to put her own needs first…”

Quiet…

Hans… you’ve done enough.. It’s time to rest and relax and enjoy the remaining days of your life…”

A sudden sadness rises in me-as-my-grandfather. I start to cry.

I love you so much, Hans, so much… It’s time for you to rest. You have worked your ass off for 70 years. You took care of everyone after my death, as young as you were…”

Silence.

Sobbing.

You worked so hard, Hans, so hard. Under such horrendous circumstances…”

He continues to cry.

Oh, my God, and I wasn’t there for you to face the horrors of war and the desolate aftermath… I wasn’t there… I wished I had been there for you… To guide you, to support you, to reassure you… I care so deeply for you…I wish you would rest, let go, and trust that Elly is walking her Elly-path… I wished you would just enjoy your connection with her. Her laughter, her playfulness, her optimism… She has such a big heart… full of compassion and care. Standing up for those who are vulnerable, seeing the beauty in even the tiniest creature.”

You know, I too, sometimes wonder if her magical trust in the power of her subconscious mind is helpful. Of course I do! I was different that way. And yet, that is exactly what makes Elly Elly. Childlike. Trusting. Innocent. Seeing goodness where others despair. It’s a special quality and I’ve come to appreciate it. I hope you will too. I hope you will honor her for whom she is, without worry. She has survived so far, and will do so in the future. Just like you. Differently. And the same. A relentless worker… Trust that she’ll get there, so you can rest and relax. You’ve done enough.”

He falls quiet. Leah reflects him back. He feels relieved, he’s been heard and mediated between my father and me. I feel touched by his deep love for both of us. (to be continued on Monday)

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You want help to mediate different parts of yourself? Contact me 512-589-0482 to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping professionals schedule time for relationships and self-care. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

One thought on “Inner mediation between my father, my grandfather and me 1/3

  1. Pingback: Inner mediation between my grandfather and my father, 2/3 | Elly van Laar, Compassion Coach

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