Bring your life into balance

Empathy works. It always does.

Mourning and regret


Image courtesy to fotomedia

Image courtesy to fotomedia

I didn’t call my friend as promised. Last week I canceled our phone call too. I feel bad about it. How do I feel when I think I’m bad? Hum… I close my eyes and listen to my body. Your physical sensations offer wonderful opportunities to connect to what’s really going on for you.

I feel tired, sad, and scared. Tired, because I have so many projects going on and I want more rest and spaciousness in my schedule. Sad, because I really want to honor my commitments. I want more integrity: to make conscious commitments that are in alignment with my physical sensations, my feelings and thoughts, my needs and values. Scared, because I’m afraid that I’ll be judged as untrustworthy, unreliable, dishonest, and maybe even not good enough. Ouch… I resonate with that fear. I want understanding and acceptance that I have too much going on to keep track of everything and I want to be seen for the sincerity with which I reached out for my friend to make an appointment.

Gosh… I made a choice that didn’t include all needs. Let me just sit with that for a little bit… Let me just mourn that and move away from self-blame and self-judgment… Maybe I can connect deeper to the needs I was trying to meet by not calling… Rest and spaciousness… Yeah… I so much wish for more rest and spaciousness, less running around from appointment to appointment. And maybe I can connect to the needs that were not met by my choice of not calling… Integrity, understanding, acceptance, and to be seen for my intentions…

Such beautiful needs… So human and universal… I wished I had chosen a strategy that would support all of them… Ah… Let me just sit with that… I want to support all needs…

Yes! I’m gonna send her an email in which I express my regret for not honoring our agreement and in which I share honestly what I can offer with my limited time availability… Which commitment am I joyfully willing and sincerely able to make?… How can I offer support and include my needs for rest and spaciousness? Maybe less than I wished I could. And maybe this new offer can include all needs. Different than I originally thought, and more honest and true.

Happy Easter.


You want help to mourn some of your choices? Contact me 512-589-0482 to schedule a complimentary, discovery session to see if and how I can help.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping mission-driven professionals bring their lives into balance. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I'm currently in an ICF-coaching certification program. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

2 thoughts on “Mourning and regret

  1. This is the kind of challenge so many of us go through. Unfortunately we are often not aware of all the feelings and needs that underly our challenges and struggles. This is a great example of how taking the time to actually feel what you are feeling can reveal these needs, and can increase compassion for oneself and others.


    • Thanks, Iektje, I love the way you summarized what I wrote about. I appreciate you reading my blog, which nurtures my sense of appreciation, acknowledgment, contribution, and community.


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