Transform Conflict into Collaboration
You want some inspiration?
The do’s and don’ts of living with empathy, compassion, and integrity
“Thanks!!! I enjoy reading all of them!!” Carol Jean L-Z, Austin, TX
“Oh wow, Elly! How many people have been in your shoes and decided to meet their needs for emotional and financial safety, instead of their needs for integrity????” Diane Emerson, Vashon, WA
Click-Whirr
Much of our behavior is automatic. We can use simple steps to create automatic habits of self-care.
![Who needs conflict resolution skills? I do! [especially with squirrels]](https://i0.wp.com/ellyvanlaar.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Squirrels-tomatoes-and-5-secrets-to-resolve-conflict.jpg?resize=400%2C250&ssl=1)
Who needs conflict resolution skills? I do! [especially with squirrels]
When you want to resolve conflict, it helps to understand the needs underneath the strategy. And then to share language and find solutions. There are 5 secrets to it.
1 Communication lesson from a kitty
Instead of turning away or against tragic expressions of unmet needs, we can learn how to turn toward them and resolve conflicts.
The toilet is constipated
I just cleaned the bathroom, when my toilet gets constipated. Before I know it, the bowl with all of its contents is overflowing. I am too late to grab the plunger. I can only stand there and see the spotless floor turn into a yukky mess. I have no choice but to grab...
The man with the hat
Empathy needs honesty. That means leaving your team leader hat on the hook and listening as a human to a fellow human.
Empathy with Confederalists
Of course, he reacts to my Facebook post about restitution for descendants of slaves with: “You are free to give all of your money to the descendants of slaves if you wish. But ordering me to do it at the point of a gun is morally wrong. That’s no different than...
Your coworker is yelling at you. Now what?
“Elly, Elly!” Layla jumps up and down when she sees me. Then she starts running around her mom in circles. Her older sister Lily tells me with a serious look on her face: “We had a good talk yesterday.” I agree. I had never realized the importance of streamers on your...
Empathy without compassion
George Floyd Breonna Taylor Ahmaud Arbery Mike Ramos Justin Howell Brad Levi Ayala Empathy without compassion can be cruel. It would be like sitting next to a choking man, listening to his pain, reflecting back his words “I can’t breathe”, and then not helping, or...
Protests, grackles, and ways of renewal
There are protests in Austin. A car is set on fire, nine shops are vandalized. The police use tear gas and I can hear helicopters all night long. The highway is blocked off by protesters, I can hear voices through a megaphone. probably less than three miles away. And...
Books & Publications
Enjoy!
Leadership Coaching
Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching
17 Chapters written by 17 wonderful coaches. One of them is me.
For Clients
Free Webinar “Effective Communication”
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Making Irresistible Requests
These Are Not Feelings
About Elly
Immutable Laws
Terms and Conditions
My Teachers
My Passion