Nourish relationships and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

Hearing the cry for help in your self-blame

Leave a comment

You can also have jackal ears inward that are actually trying to cover up a deep sadness, maybe even a sense of not being worthy, and a fear that you will never be good enough to get the acceptance and love you long for. The pain is buried underneath the self-judgment, self-blame, and self-criticism.

It goes something like this “You’re an idiot that you missed his performance. You’re stupid that you spent time on completely irrelevant things like doing the dishes, you should have left in time to celebrate his first performance, cherishing the deep love you feel for him. What a moron you are for ALWAYS being late!”

Somewhere deep down, hardly audible, the voice continues. “You’re not worthy of his love, you’re a terrible person, you don’t deserve to be called a friend.”

And maybe even deeper: “You should be rejected, excluded, outcast.”

Image courtesy to David Nayer

Image courtesy to David Nayer

Jackal ears inward.

If you listen carefully enough, you also hear what you really want: “Please, love me, even if I make choices you don’t understand, hell, that I don’t even understand. Please, let me know that I am still welcome, that I am still okay.”

Jackal ears inward can be hard, even painful to decipher. They often echo messages you heard in your childhood, and that you’ve come to believe were a true reflection of you. They trigger the pain you felt as a child, when you heard you were not good enough, didn’t do enough, didn’t have enough. They bring up the loneliness, sadness, and pain you felt then.

Fortunately, you are an adult now, and you have a choice. You can chose to believe what the jackal ears inward tell you, and you can chose to empathize. You can offer compassion to the pain they are expressing and an open, empathic heart. I bet, you’ll hear the jackal ears inward say “See me as beautiful, embrace me with love, accept me for the precious human being I am.”

Who can say ‘no’ to that?

—–

You want help to translate your inner jackals into self-empathy? Contact me 512-589-0482 to schedule a complimentary, discovery session.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping professionals schedule time for relationships and self-care. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

I am curious to read your response

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s