512-589-0482 elly@ellyvanlaar.com

 

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What’s the story I’m telling myself?

A few nights ago my husband didn’t show up the way I wanted, and we got into a big conflict. My needs were unmet, you know?! And when I don’t know how to include them, I get pretty frustrated. Well, maybe more than frustrated. Maybe more towards plain angry. Very angry. I start yelling, and fantasizing about getting a divorce. That’s a pattern of mine. My needs are unmet, I don’t know how to ask for support, and I run away.

Okay, so here I am in bed, lot ‘s of upset, struggling to fall asleep.

Then it strikes me. Something Dian Killian talked about: “When you observe what happens, as if you’re a fly on the wall, with no emotional vocabulary, which feelings come up? And what’s the story you’re telling yourself?

Bang!

What’s the story I’m telling myself?

Bang!

That I don’t matter. That I’ll never receive support for my needs. That I am not good enough to be happy, that there is something wrong with me.

Bang.

With a shock I realize that I am creating my own suffering. Through the glasses of this perspective, I only see those actions that confirm that I don’t matter, the actions that reinforce the story that I am not good enough. If I drop the story, I can include all that’s happening around me. Every action that tells me that I do matter. That he ordered cake for my birthday, that he invited friends for celebration, that he scheduled his work hours to spend time with me.

All of a sudden I realize that if I drop the story, I can expand my observations to include all of reality. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

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You want help to learn to explore your story and include all of reality? Contact me 512-589-0482 to schedule a complimentary, discovery session to see if and how I can help.

 

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