Transform Conflict into Collaboration
You want some inspiration?
The do’s and don’ts of living with empathy, compassion, and integrity
“Thanks!!! I enjoy reading all of them!!” Carol Jean L-Z, Austin, TX
“Oh wow, Elly! How many people have been in your shoes and decided to meet their needs for emotional and financial safety, instead of their needs for integrity????” Diane Emerson, Vashon, WA
Beginning Anew (2/3)
The second step of Beginning Anew is expressing regret. The first step, appreciation, builds a context where you see the other person and yourself as human beings with the ability to contribute to life. Your appreciation conveys the message that you include yourself...
Welcoming my loneliness at the Christmas table
Loneliness is a tough feeling. At least for me. It has something to do with thinking that I am not lovable enough to belong. That there is something wrong with me, that I am not funny, cheerful, smart, pretty enough to be invited to the Christmas table. For me the...
Beginning Anew (1/3)
When you wished your partner, sibling, co-worker had shown up differently, don’t complain. Start with appreciation. What did they say or do that contributed to your needs? How did they enrich your well-being? You wonder how this helps getting your complaint across?...
Appreciation NVC-style (3/3)
We “receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that contributed to others’ well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled. We take into our hearts the joyous...
Appreciation NVC-style (2/3)
“The beauty of appreciation is spoiled when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.” (Rosenberg, M, Nonviolent Communication, A Language Of Life, 2003, p. 185, 186) There is a difference between appreciation and praise and compliments....
Appreciation NVC-style (1/3)
“When we use NVC (=Nonviolent Communication) to express appreciation, it is purely to celebrate, not to get something in return. Our sole intention is to celebrate the way our lives have been enriched by others.” (Rosenberg, M, Nonviolent Communication, A Language Of...
Requests are SMART (3/3)
What are requests? Requests are an invitation to support our needs. After we have shared our observations, feelings and needs, we ask for what we imagine would meet our needs. Hearing feelings and needs without hearing requests is like living in hell. Hearing...
Requests are not demands (2/3)
“We demonstrate that we are making a request rather than a demand by how we respond when others don’t comply. If we are prepared to show an empathic understanding of what prevents someone from doing what we asked, then by my definition, we have made a request, not a...
Requests are about building relationship, always
What are requests? Requests are not about getting what we want, requests are an invitation to support our needs. After we share our observation, feelings, and needs, we tell the other person what we think might meet our needs. It could simply be “Could you reflect...
Books & Publications
Enjoy!
Leadership Coaching
Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching
17 Chapters written by 17 wonderful coaches. One of them is me.
For Clients
Free Webinar “Effective Communication”
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Making Irresistible Requests
These Are Not Feelings
About Elly
Immutable Laws
Terms and Conditions
My Teachers
My Passion