Bring your life into balance

Empathy works. It always does.

How does your future self inspire you?

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My future self is calm, wise, compassionate, open, exuberant, welcoming, peaceful, radiant with love. Yep, fun to be around with. I would love to have her as my friend. She is grounded in the truth that she matters and is valued and respected, even if no one else conveys that message. She knows she doesn’t have to do anything or be anyone to earn love, acceptance, and belonging. She knows she is good enough just by being who she is right now, no amendments needed.

Gosh, I would love to be her!

As I realize that I can be her, something changes in me. After all, I am talking about my future self. Not some heroine or movie star. This is not Julia Roberts or Mother Theresa. This is Elly van Laar, six months from now.

Wow. That means that it is in my power to manifest her in this world. Then the question is not “Is this possible, do I have this in me?”. The question is “What do I have to do right now, to get me one step closer to her?”

It might be that I catch myself, and stop myself from yelling. It might be that I try to see the world through the eyes of my friend, getting his perspective. It might be that I trust and relax in my husband’s love. Or that I sit and enjoy the sun and the Bougainvillea, or play at Barton Springs, or knit a Christmas bauble, or read a book.

Any of those would bring me one step closer.

When I connect to my future self, I am inspired by who she is, and all I want to do is emulate her example.

It is that simple.

I sit down. I follow my in-breath and out-breath, and notice whether it is shallow or deep, slow or fast.  I appreciate how it supports me. I notice my physical sensations, and accept them for what they are. I put my hand on my heart, and breathe in love and compassion. I imagine that my future self sits next to me. I look her in the eyes. I step into her world, and absorb her life. The friends she has, the activities she does, the house she’s in. I take a bird view and look at the six months between my current self and my future self. I see all the courage, commitment, and creativity it took to walk toward her. She looks me in the eyes and offers me a present. A precious gift to help me take the first step toward her.

I accept it and take the first step.


You want help to connect to your future self? Contact me 512-589-0482 for a free discovery session to see if and how I can help you.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping mission-driven professionals bring their lives into balance. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I'm currently in an ICF-coaching certification program. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

4 thoughts on “How does your future self inspire you?

  1. Dear Elly, thank you for this beautiful post and for the opportunity to think about nonviolent communication in a different way – for growth 🙂
    My future self feels the same feelings as I do now – bliss and despair, joy and fury, ‘meh’ as well. And rather than give responsibility for those feelings to others she connects to her needs ‘in the moment’ provides herself all the empathy that she might need, and expresses herself with great love and compassion. For herself and others. For now, often the best I can manage is to not say something I will regret ‘in the moment’ and it sometimes takes a few days to get to the heart of the matter. And I can now appreciate my efforts and accomplishments rather than berate myself for STILL not doing nvc!! Thankyou ❤

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    • Dear Rowena,

      Thank you for your elaborate response. I feel honored that you took time to reply, and share your struggles and celebrations with showing up in the way you want. I have decided that NVC and mindfulness are a path, not a goal or something to achieve. I do the best I can, and like you, sometimes NOT yelling is the best I can do in the moment. I am learning to trust that that is enough, even if I -of course- want to be as mindful as Thich Nhat Hanh, or any other role model for Compassionate Communication. Journaling helps me to get to the heart of the matter, as do my empathy buddies, and the NVC classes that my husband and I teach. Enjoy your weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great. My thoughts back are: Not sure about the knitting part. Ha You can become the person you want to be…not the person you are. Nothing wrong with who you are of course. We are all enough as it is, Last….how simple are you willing to let it be,

    On Friday, August 14, 2015, Compassionate Communication for Better Connecti

    Liked by 1 person

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