Bring your life into balance

Empathy works. It always does.

What does humor have to do with sex?

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Sharing humor is a great way to build relationships. That’s what Gottman says. Laughing about each other’s jokes, building on each other’s puns, making funny faces. It doesn’t matter what you do or say, as long as it makes you both laugh. Sharing humor creates a sort of capital that you can draw from in case of emergency. It builds a resilience container that can hold you when you’re in an argument, an exit option from a heated discussion. It helps you see the human face of the person you now see as you’re enemy, because somewhere your brain tells you that this is the same guy, who makes you roll over on the ground in a giddy moment.

Image courtesy to Wikimedia.orgIt is of course the easiest to build up your humor reservoir in times of happiness, trust, peace, connection, and safety. It is harder to change a habit of frowning, sulking, and chagrining at each others jokes, when you are entrenched in enemy images.

Although I think it is still worth a try. As long as you can laugh wholeheartedly, without any condescending tone, about the pun your husband makes (or your friend, sibling, or co-worker for that matter), or make a funny face back to your wife, or mimic their expression, or do whatever builds a relaxed atmosphere of joy and lightheartedness, do it. Even if just once. It is worth the try and it might relief tension.

Creating a sense of shared humor helps with sex too. That’s what I say. Often we feel embarrassed about our sexual desires, maybe even ashamed. When we introduce some playfulness into our love life, we practice hearing a ‘no’ and not taking it personally. We practice seeing ourselves and our partner as human beings, who want to connect even if they’re not willing to comply with each other’s requests. It certainly makes sex a whole lot more fun and relaxed.

Just try it out.

I’m pretty sure you’ll like it.

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You want help to bring more humor in the bedroom? Contact me 512-589-0482 to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping mission-driven professionals bring their lives into balance. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I'm currently in an ICF-coaching certification program. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

One thought on “What does humor have to do with sex?

  1. Pingback: 4 Steps to befriend yourself | Elly van Laar, Compassion Coach

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