Nourish relationships and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

Self-compassion, day 5: Self-acceptance

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AcceptanceI just got off my daily prayer with Silent Unity. They pray with me that I am showered with prosperity and abundance, that God wants the highest good for me and that positive and sustaining results are created.

I cry. I soften in the sense of belonging, love and acceptance in this connection with God. My dreams and desires are accepted at face value. All the actions and choices I made so far are accepted without a shred of criticism. My current situation and steps are appreciated. Silent Unity encourages me to let go and let God. They invite me to relax into this moment, trusting that only good comes to me. To allow me to let go off my worries, anxieties and fear, and to bring my attention to what I càn do in this situation. I can focus on what is good, pure and loving within me, and hold myself as precious and beautiful.

Teyber and McClure write about a corrective emotional response when someone responds to you with care and compassion, where you expect rejection, exclusion and shame. You show up naked, covered with shit, and instead of the anticipated, repulsive reaction that you’ve learned to expect, the other approaches you with kindness, covers you with care and compassion and holds you close to their heart. This is the healing response we all long for.

Maybe for the first time in your life, you experience love, connection and belonging ànd being seen right for who you are. This healing helps you to bring that same compassion, care and acceptance to yourself.

Ever seen a three-year old play with a doll? Ever heard him talk to the doll in exactly the same way as his mom does to him?

That’s what this is all about. We have gathered all these negative, critical thoughts in our head. Things we heard our parents say, our teachers, our older siblings.  That we are stupid, cowards, worthless. Now we’re adding positive thoughts and feelings. We are filling ourselves up with the knowledge that we are lovable and competent by nature.

Thàt’s how we can heal the world. When we replace our habitual criticism with compassion, support and understanding and bring full acceptance to one another, we let each other feel that we are in this boat together, and that we are here to help. We show each other that we care. That’s all we need to know.

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping compassionate professionals integrate self-care in their lives. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

2 thoughts on “Self-compassion, day 5: Self-acceptance

  1. lieve el, wat deze en ook eerdere blogs zo waardevol maken is dat je duidelijk maakt dat je zelf ook hulp nodig hebt, bijvoorbeeld door een telefonische bid-lijn te vragen je bij te staan. dat vind ik zo prettig aan je blogs, dat je nooit maar dan ook nooit arrogant bent of denkt er al te zijn. daarin ben je denk ik anders dan heel veel collega-coaches en daar ben ik altijd heel gevoelig voor: dat een coach niet doet of hij of zij het allemaal weet en ons vertelt hoe te leven.
    ik begin me overigens nu pas te realiseren dat al mijn comments openbaar zijn, klopt dat? is dat voor iedereen die reageert wel even duidelijk???

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    • Fijn om te lezen dat je het waardeert dat ik me kwetsbaar opstel, en duidelijk maak dat ik ook zelf hulp nodig heb. Soms vind ik dat wel lastig, omdat ik soms het idee heb dat ik eigenlijk mensen niet kan coachen, als ik zelf ook zo worstel. Maar misschien is dat niet waar.
      Je comments zijn inderdaad openbaar. Ik denk dat de meeste mensen dat weten, maar daar heb ik geen gegevens van. Ik heb jouw reacties zorgvuldig gelezen, en lees geen dingen die schadelijk voor je kunnen zijn. Maar als jij dat toch vindt, dan “unapprove” ik ze, en verdwijnen ze weer van mijn website.

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