Nourish relationships and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

What if it’s war, and no one goes?

2 Comments

What if this fear of rejection never goes away? What if I’ll always be afraid that I don’t add value, that I have nothing interesting to say? What if I’ll always have the thought that whatever if do, it’s never good enough, that I am not good enough?

I had decided to call my former clients and ask if they wanted to work with me again. To increase my income. I dreaded the whole thing. I hated the idea of selling myself. No matter how hard I tried to perceive the interaction as mutually beneficial, I didn’t. I saw it as begging, and I was sure they wouldn’t need me. I postponed. For two weeks. Completely and joyfully unconscious. I was very busy with other things. Important things. Cleaning the bathroom. Folding the sheets. Watching videos about enrolling conversations with clients. I knew I had to get started. I didn’t. First this email. Now I am hungry. Thank God, my husband wants to play music with me. Anything was a perfect reason not to call.

Then I caught myself in the act. I saw what I was doing and how I was rationalizing my behavior. I realized I would never generate any income, if I would not get up on stage and take action. Just start somewhere, anywhere. Now.

So I picked up the phone. Called one client. Left message. Then took a break. Then another client. Left message. A break. And another. And another. After six clients I started to enjoy it. Reaching out had nothing to do with fear of rejection. It had everything to do with connection. It had everything to do with getting started. Marshall Rosenberg writes something like “anything that’s worth doing, is worth doing poorly“.

You don’t have to overcome your fear of rejection. You don’t have to try to integrate it and heal it. It’s there. And it might always be there. Like a big hump on your back. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trying to get rid of your hump? Do you want to spend all your efforts and energy trying to make it less visible, more integrated? Or do you want to spend your time and resources on creating the life you want?

What if it’s war, and no one goes?

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping compassionate professionals integrate self-care in their lives. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

2 thoughts on “What if it’s war, and no one goes?

  1. deze bewustwording heeft zeker te maken met jouw gesprekken met papa, klopt dat? leuk hoor hoe je zijn peptalk in de praktijk bent gaan brengen. vooral dat je na ieder telefoontje een pauze ingelast hebt vind ik prachtig. dat is als het ware een kadootje voor jezelf om even bij te komen van iets dat spannend is. ga zo door!!!

    Like

    • Hoi Hanneke, ja, deze actie komt inderdaad door mijn gesprekken met papa. “Je moet IEDEREEN bellen met wie je denkt zaken te kunnen doen, en je moet die intentie ook gelijk duidelijk maken.” Nou, ik ben er inmiddels achter dat papa veel wijsheid bezit, dus dat ben ik gaan uitvoeren. En nu, bijna twee maanden verder, draai ik mijn hand er niet voor om. Ik bel organisaties, oud-klanten en ga nu door met potentiele klanten. Ik vind dat ik veel te bieden heb (jaaa! durf dat eindelijk te zeggen), en laat mensen graag van mijn kraam weten. Dan kunnen zij zelf beslissen of ze iets komen kopen of niet. Als ik mijn diensten niet promoot, doe ik dat eigenlijk voor hen. Dank voor het lezen en volgen!

      Like

I am curious to read your response

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s