Surrender to love
I am very proud of you. I see how you’re finding ways to deal with your fear and thoughts of scarcity. I am very happy you found Silent Unity. I understand that you like their affirmative prayer. I can imagine how relieved you feel every time you hear them say that abundance and prosperity are yours. I know that God opens ways for you to earn the money you need to keep the house.
Trust your intention and your gut instincts. Those are God’s way of talking to you, showing you your next step.
I feel relieved that you asked the archangels Michael, Gabriel, Rafael and Uriel to guard the four sides of your home and keep you safe. I see how strong and solid they stand. Unwavering in cold and storm. Shining and radiant, powerful. They will keep all harm away from your door.
Don’t forget to pray till God. He is the source of all life, all love, all light. She will provide for you in all the ways you need.
All you need to do is open your heart. Let love and faith and trust grow in you and make you strong. Support your husband the best way you can. Nurture him, cherish him, embrace him. Make sure he gets enough sleep and food to generate the income you need.
Surrender to love. Surrender to the power within you to create what you want. A sanctuary for all life. A warm welcome for all creatures on earth. Your friends, your family, the friends-you-haven’t-met. Your home is a safe haven for the mice who chose your home as theirs. The scorpions, lizards, ants, spiders. You ferociously protect them. Against the water of the shower, the cleaning cloth, the vacuum cleaner. You are the protector of the trees and plants around the house. This home, this land is not just yours. It is the land and home of all living beings.
This is a sacred home. You’ll keep it, my beloved child.
My teacher, brother Chan Huy, advises us to start the morning with this gatha:
Beauty in death
Waking up this morning I smile
24 brand new hours before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment,
and look at beings with eyes of compassion.
and to end our day with this gatha:
The day has now ended, our lives are shorter.
Now we look carefully, what have we done?
Noble Sangha, with all of our heart,
Let us be diligent, engaging in the practice.
Let us live deeply, free from our afflictions,
Aware of impermanence,
so that life does not drift away without meaning.
Are you kidding me?
He says you’re life will be transformed, if you do this for a couple of weeks.
Are you kidding me? Are you crazy? You think reminding me of my own approaching death is helping me? You seriously think that it’s gonna support a peaceful sleep?
Obedient as I am, I follow his advice. I recite the morning gatha, every morning, the gatha of impermanence every night.
It doesn’t transform me. It is a challenge. It triggers episodes of fear of death, of eternity, of life. I struggle with Thich Nhat Hanh‘s teachings on no-birth, no-death, the permanence of life, the impermanence of it’s different manifestations. I don’t like his insights so much, now that they become so close. How is it comforting to know that my death will bring birth to something else? That we are all interconnected? Who cares that I am part of the tree, the bird, the elephant? I want to live! And pretend I won’t die.
Something shifts in me. I see the hair on my husband’s head reclining. I look at his face, his hands. I know one day we will lose each other. One day we will die. No more touch, no more giggling, no more playing Bach together.
A sense of appreciation captures me. I realize that this is the only moment to celebrate him. This is the only moment to cherish myself. There is no other moment. Now is everything I have.
I surrender to the morning gatha. I surrender to the impermanence gatha. And my life transforms.