Yep, I changed the name. Rejection doesn’t ring true to me. I don’t believe there is something like rejection, just someone who says ‘no’ to what we ask. And it hurts, because we think it is about our worth. We think we are not worthy enough, that we don’t matter enough to receive a ‘yes’. That’s a misconception. Our worth has nothing to do with it. It is just someone whose needs are not met by our request. That’s all. We can find another request that works better for them, or we find another way to get what we want.
And that’s where wholeheartedness kicks in. I commit myself to have the courage to stand up for my truth, to express myself authentically and to ask for what I truly, truly want. I honor my own vulnerability and chose to live a life based on my values and dreams, not my fears.
That’s my journey into wholeheartedness.
Day 5 of my Rejection Therapy: rejection is all well and fine when it in an area or relationship I don’t really care about. But when I experience it in a relationship I deeply care about it is SO painful. This night I had such a sense of exclusion, not-belonging, not mattering. My throat tightened, my heart pounded like crazy, my stomach contracted. I was completely overwhelmed with all the feelings that rejection brings about. I couldn’t talk, I was numbed, and completely lost as how to create connection.
I went to my room and listened to a CD from Heartwork (http://awakentheheart.org/). With all my strength I chose to just experience my feelings, to breathe into them, and allow the pain to unfold. I chose to not think about the situation, not think about the future, not think my habitual angry thoughts. Just be. Then a miracle happened. As I was lying there, I noticed my upset evaporate. I noticed some peace, a realization: this is just my current experience, this is not ME. And in that opening up, I got up, offered tea and support, and felt an enormous relief.
There is so much more to us than our feelings, sensations, thoughts. Thank God, we can always make choices based on our values. “The only way out is through” Dale Goldstein.