Helping Nonprofit Leaders Transform Conflict

Leadership Coach and Mediator

Taking the leap

It is Jugglefest and Noah offers a workshop big-ball-balancing. I’m curious enough to watch others do it, but too terrified to try it myself. At age 12, I do a head roll and land on my neck. I can’t breathe or move for minutes and think I am gonna die. I don’t, but I never completely overcome the fear for acrobatic stunts.

But now Noah is here. He tells me how to get up on the ball and extends his hand. His presence helps me take a risk and go way beyond my comfort zone. I trust that even though I might hurt myself, I won’t harm myself.


I realize that when we have the support we need, we can do things we never thought ourselves capable of. We can expand our self-limiting beliefs and do things that fear keeps pushing off to the back burner of our aspirations. Those Big Hairy Audacious Goals come within arms reach with enough support.

We might fail at reaching them -even more than once- but we learn from the failure, not die from it.

Having needs doesn’t mean we’re needy

The challenge for many of us is to ask for support in the first place. We belief that having needs, means we’re needy. That asking for help, means we’re weak. Making a request, shows we’re incompetent. And some of us have come to believe that we’re unworthy to ask for anything to begin with, that our needs come second place to everyone else’s.

We struggle to see our needs as beautiful, human, and universal. We don’t realize that getting support for our needs, means we’ll be happier. And that when we are happier, we are so much more giving and less self-centered. We see asking for support as an expense to others, not an investment in our community.

Seeing needs as beautiful, human, and universal

Imagine a gardener who takes care of a bougainvillea. She doesn’t criticize the bougainvillea for needing eight hours of sun, or very specific amounts of watering, or severe trimming right after the last frost. The gardener supports the bougainvillea with delight, because she knows that if she takes care of the bougainvillea’s needs, it will bloom exuberantly.

We are not bougainvillea’s. We are human beings with a rich, sometimes painful, history. Some of us need support to see our needs as beautiful.

How to find support to see our needs as beautiful

  1. Search for people, communities, and living beings that you feel safe with. It might be your aunt, your mindfulness community, your therapist, God, your dog.
  2. Bring awareness of the acceptance, support, and respect you’re receiving and let this restorative healing experience sink in. Connect to your physical sensations, feelings, needs and take a deep breath.
  3. Once you have experienced that your needs matter, ask someone you trust for help, even if it is just for a simple ask.
  4. Celebrate that you did! Whether or not your request got support, you took a step to live the life you really want, with yourself and others.

Contact me

Let me know how this landed for you: I would love to hear from you.

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Don’t let your goals dominate you

GrowthI went to the Netherlands in October 2013, and had long and extensive conversations with my dad about the development of my business. Upon my return I set myself financial goals. $300 More each month, till I reach $5000 per month at the end of 2014. I think these goals will inspire me to reach out for potential clients more actively and provide me with concrete criteria to decide whether it is financially viable to stay in the USA.

The intended inspiration becomes into a burden.

What I hoped would be energizing turns into a constant critical inner voice telling me I am not good enough, that I don’t do enough, that I don’t have enough. The voice sneakily reminds me of old thoughts that I don’t add enough value to my clients to have a prosperous, abounding business.

The initial enthusiasm and impetus to promote my work disintegrates into a daily reaffirmation of my well-known, deeply ingrained sense of scarcity.

My goals are not helping me, they are blocking me.

I watch Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche (Thanks Iektje for sharing). Dedicate 10% of your time to be compassionate, mindful, kind. Don’t bother about the other 90%. Just focus 10% of your time to fully live your intention. This is enough to -slowly- change habitual patterns and show up more and more as the person you want to be.

I can do that. I can add 10% more income each month. I can gradually, steadily grow my income, instead of frantically striving for the big bumps of $300 a month.

I feel so relieved that I jump up to adjust my projections. It turns out I am way ahead of my new goals!

I feel energized, confident and relieved. When I see these new numbers, I know I can easily reach my goals and have enough time for all the other things I love to do.

Setting out goals beyond any realistic achievement is not inspiring, it is discouraging. Setting goals a little bit beyond your comfort zone is. It improves your chance to succeed, and that success will encourage you enough to reach for the next level.

My new goals help me to regain control of my life and reconnect to my purpose and passion. That’s what I want my goals to be about. About me.


You want help setting goals that are inspiring, encouraging and realistic? Contact me 512-589-0482 for a complimentary, discovery session. I would be honored and happy to work with you.