Surrender to love
I am very proud of you. I see how you’re finding ways to deal with your fear and thoughts of scarcity. I am very happy you found Silent Unity. I understand that you like their affirmative prayer. I can imagine how relieved you feel every time you hear them say that abundance and prosperity are yours. I know that God opens ways for you to earn the money you need to keep the house.
Trust your intention and your gut instincts. Those are God’s way of talking to you, showing you your next step.
I feel relieved that you asked the archangels Michael, Gabriel, Rafael and Uriel to guard the four sides of your home and keep you safe. I see how strong and solid they stand. Unwavering in cold and storm. Shining and radiant, powerful. They will keep all harm away from your door.
Don’t forget to pray till God. He is the source of all life, all love, all light. She will provide for you in all the ways you need.
All you need to do is open your heart. Let love and faith and trust grow in you and make you strong. Support your husband the best way you can. Nurture him, cherish him, embrace him. Make sure he gets enough sleep and food to generate the income you need.
Surrender to love. Surrender to the power within you to create what you want. A sanctuary for all life. A warm welcome for all creatures on earth. Your friends, your family, the friends-you-haven’t-met. Your home is a safe haven for the mice who chose your home as theirs. The scorpions, lizards, ants, spiders. You ferociously protect them. Against the water of the shower, the cleaning cloth, the vacuum cleaner. You are the protector of the trees and plants around the house. This home, this land is not just yours. It is the land and home of all living beings.
This is a sacred home. You’ll keep it, my beloved child.
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What? My heart starts racing. My armpits start sweating, I’m getting excited.
I imagine a retreat center. In the mountains, beautiful and serene. Eagles fly in the sky, trees stand tall. The theme is failure applause. To celebrate our efforts, and accept our failures. To free us of attachment to results, comparison with others and to life now. Building blocks: Individual coaching. Healing work. Group sessions. Silent meditation and creative arts.
And ask $2000 for it? Are you kidding? I don’t think I add enough value to ask that! I don’t think I am better than any of the other fantastic coaches out there! I don’t think I am worth that money!
And yet… Something tickles me. No one needs to sign up for my package. I can see it as play. To play being a successful, confident business woman.
I giggle. I think of a game my sister and I played at my grandma’s house, when we were young.
My grandma lived in a park, opposite a castle. There were trees around the house, a lake, rhododendrons. Visitors strolled on the premises, enjoying the beauty.
My sister and I would get dressed up in long, white dresses. Fancy shoes, lace gloves, brimmed hats. Then walk up and down the balcony, waving at people passing by. Graciously. Self-confident. Happy. We are princesses. We smile, and they smile back. What I never had the courage to do in normal life, I am perfectly happy to do in play.
Life is play. My business is play. I create a unique offer and ask 10x of what I feel comfortable with. Just for fun. I smile. I see people smile back.
This morning I imagined myself at this year’s Thich Nhat Hanh retreat. I saw myself up on the platform during the Q&A session. I wondered what I would ask him, and I realized that I didn’t really have many questions. I find joy, fulfillment, connection in my relationships, I often experience inner peace, I am fit and healthy, my business is taking off. I like my practice of bringing awareness to my in- and out breath, of being fully present in the here and now. I don’t need more learning, I want more practice.
And then it struck me. I DO have a question. A big one. A very vulnerable one. A very meaningful one. One that I hardly dare to ask. To get a hug. Or to hold his hand. Or to sit next to him, enjoying the silence. I trembled all over. I would NEVER have the courage to ask him THAT. Let alone in front of 700 other retreatants. I would never have the guts to walk up to him, and ask “Dear Thay, can I please get a hug?”
And I realized: Elly, that is wholeheartedness. That is the path you chose. To ask for what I truly, truly want, no matter what my scary feelings and judgmental thoughts are. To fully want without attachment. And I feel tender when I imagine Thich Nhat Hanh’s gentle embrace.