Day 5 of my Rejection Therapy: rejection is all well and fine when it in an area or relationship I don’t really care about. But when I experience it in a relationship I deeply care about it is SO painful. This night I had such a sense of exclusion, not-belonging, not mattering. My throat tightened, my heart pounded like crazy, my stomach contracted. I was completely overwhelmed with all the feelings that rejection brings about. I couldn’t talk, I was numbed, and completely lost as how to create connection.
I went to my room and listened to a CD from Heartwork (http://awakentheheart.org/). With all my strength I chose to just experience my feelings, to breathe into them, and allow the pain to unfold. I chose to not think about the situation, not think about the future, not think my habitual angry thoughts. Just be. Then a miracle happened. As I was lying there, I noticed my upset evaporate. I noticed some peace, a realization: this is just my current experience, this is not ME. And in that opening up, I got up, offered tea and support, and felt an enormous relief.
There is so much more to us than our feelings, sensations, thoughts. Thank God, we can always make choices based on our values. “The only way out is through” Dale Goldstein.