Helping Nonprofit Leaders Transform Conflict

Leadership Coach and Mediator

Broken Bucket

Reusing resources is a good thing. I am convinced of that. It’s good for our planet, for our people, and my profit.

So throwing water out on the lawn seems a good idea to me.

Even if it is dirty water with some Dr. Bronner lavender soap in it. 

Thus, when I finish cleaning the kitchen floor, I pick up the bucket to throw the water onto the lawn. Happy peppy water saving.

Only, the bucket slips out of my hands.

It smashes on the ground and breaks. A crack appears from the top to the bottom. My only cleaning bucket is rendered useless. My intention to save resources results in having to spend time and money to buy a new one.

What a bummer.

Looking at the cracked bucket, I decide to:
1.    Accept the result of my action and the blame and frustration that come up from my failure.

2.    Ask my husband for help. Fortunately, he is happy peppy to repair it with his soldering gun.

Because of these 2 actions, I have a perfectly usable bucket.

Why did this work so well?

Because it includes two crucial elements of repair:
1.    Acknowledging that the impact of our behavior can be very different from our intentions.

2.    Focusing on repairing the impact, instead of dismissing, defending, or explaining our intention.

Psychology research shows that these elements work in human relations as well. It doesn’t matter in which culture you grew up, in which faith, or in which millennium.

Almost everyone responds positively to a sincere effort to repair ruptures in relationships.

By expressing our regret about something we said or did, we convey that the other person matters to us and that they are worthy of support and understanding.

I imagine everyone likes such confirmation.

Without repair, others will trust you less. If you don’t reach out, they don’t get the reassurance that you are conscious of your incompetence, that you want to learn from your ignorance, and that your focus is the relationship, not your ego.

The first thing you need to do is to acknowledge for yourself that you made a mistake and practice self-compassion, so the acknowledgment doesn’t turn into shame.

The second thing is to share your mistakes with a confidant and ask for help. Someone who can listen with empathy and compassion and help you figure out how to repair the rupture.

For people who want support in learning how to have and give empathy and repair ruptures in relationships, I offer a group coaching program: The Authentic Joy Journey, also known as the Pledj-group.

We meet bi-weekly for 12 weeks and we explore and practice these topics:

1. Learning
Failure applause, creative tension, and tiny habits

2. Needs
Self-acceptance, the three levels of needs, and the bougainvillea and purple heart

3. Feelings
Pseudo-feelings, check-engine lights, anger

4. Emotional Liberation
Codependency, quality of the relationship, honesty & empathy    

5. Self-Worth
Shame, self-compassion, and limiting beliefs

6. Autonomy
Interdependence, requests, mourning & celebration, next steps

This is for you if you can joyfully pay $438 and commit the time and energy to this program.

This is not for you if the challenges in your life seem overwhelming. You might benefit more from working one-on-one with me or talking with a therapist or counselor.

In this program, we work on transforming core beliefs that we don’t matter, stop living as if life will start later, and start feeling present, content, and grateful in our day-to-day life.

We will meet bi-weekly on Zoom for six sessions, 90 minutes each. We start in February with a max of eight participants.

Contact me with any questions.

Read more about the program.