by Elly van Laar | Jan 26, 2014 | Compassionate Communication, Mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication
Why do I blog?
It is the first assignment in the WordPress Zero To Hero Challenge to build a better blog in 30 days. Why do I blog instead of writing a personal journal? What are my blogs about? Whom do I love to connect with through my blogs? If I blog successfully throughout 2014, what would I hope to have accomplished?
All kinds of socially correct answers swirl through my head.
But the truth, is I started to blog to attract more visitors to my website and turn them into clients. I wanted to raise my income.
Frequently adding pages to your website tells the search engines your website is current. Writing about the same topics tells them your website is relevant, and voilà, your website shows up higher in the search results.
And the challenge to write 50,000 words in one month.
Straight back to my lifelong ambition to become a published author.
A book about marriage. How to transform anger, resentment and jealousy into love and connection. How Nonviolent Communication helps. Mindfulness. Compassion.
The core three elements of my business. This work is my road to success, I can feel it in my bones.
As I write, and write, and write, I get less and less excited. I often struggle in my marriage. I am not a textbook example of transforming anger, resentment and jealousy. How can I tell others how to do that?
How am I different from all the other experts in this field? I have no clue. If this is not my specialty, what is?
Then I remember Socrates quote, Gnothi seauton: “But I have no leisure for them (=mythology) at all; and the reason, my friend, is this: I am not yet able, as the Delphic inscription has it, to know myself; so it seems to me ridiculous, when I do not yet know that, to investigate irrelevant things.” (Wikipedia). If Socrates tells us to understand ourselves, who am I to doubt that that is an honorable thing to do?
So I decide to write about my experiences on the path of deepening mindfulness and expanding compassion. About my stumbling steps, my faltering failures, and my small successes. About my enthusiasm and dedication to this path.
I hope my blog inspires and encourages you to continue on yours.
And grow the wave of mindfulness and compassion enthusiasts together
You want to explore how I can help you with your mindfulness and compassion practice? Contact me for a complimentary, discovery session 512-589-0482.
Image courtesy to Creative Commons
by Elly van Laar | Jan 17, 2014 | Compassion, Compassionate Communication, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Self-compassion
I joined a virtual writers community
884 Members. Bloggers who encourage, inspire and help each other get their books published.
I read that you should join a writers community if you want to have your book published.
And I do!
I want hundreds of people standing in line, waiting to get my book autographed. I want the phone ringing like crazy with publishers dying to publish my book. I want to be the most wanted guest in any important talk show.
You get it? I want to be famous, meaningful and influential.
So I joined a community, as suggested.
I now have 884 co-authors who will applaud me, cherish me, and promote my work.
884 Authors who want the favors returned
Competitors who want to sell their stuff to the same audience. An audience who can only read so much. One book at a time. Their book.
I feel scared. There is not gonna be enough fish in this ocean. Someone is gonna starve. Me.
This whole writing ambition triggers my sense of scarcity. I have been repeating “I am enough. I do enough. I have enough”, over and over again. At least a couple of minutes a day. I loved singing it.
Now I feel how I don’t believe it is true. How my system reacts “No, you don’t. You can certainly pretend you are enough, but you most certainly don’t do enough. Let alone have enough. Don’t fool yourself! Go for a walk in the woods, and feel happy and contained. But remember: once you’re home, you’ll crash with two feet on the ground and face up to reality: there is not enough for everyone.”
My thoughts float like a leaf on the river
Steven Hayes and Spencer Smith write about having your thoughts, not being them (Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Life, 2005). Creating a little space between your thought and your identity. No attachment to having them, or not having them. Just seeing them as they pop up in your head.
I can do that. I can watch the thoughts of scarcity drift by, like leaves on a river. I don’t need to jump on the leaf, nor do I need to push it away.
I can just watch the thought. And see the beauty of it. It’s monstrous, consuming presence. How unique! Fascinating. I am a tornado chaser of thoughts. I am so excited to watch it, that I don’t even think of running away from it. Bring it on, baby!
Nothing to be scared of. Nothing to resist. Just a thought. Rising and floating on a river. It is a thought, not me.
Commitment to my dreams
In this non-fighting that arises, I experience space and freedom to pursue my dream and applaud others do the same.
I am happy I joined this group of fellow-travelers. I am ready to cherish, inspire and encourage them. May we all write magnificent stories. For magnificent readers.
You want help observing your feelings and thoughts, not being them? Contact me for a complimentary, discovery session. 512-589-0482
by Elly van Laar | Jan 9, 2014 | Personal Growth
I like my enthusiasm and spontaneity. Just doing things for the fun of it, without much thinking about the consequences. It never brought me into trouble, and it created great experiences.
So, when I read at ZerotoHero that bloggers need to connect to their community, I followed their advice and selected other blogs to follow. 49. Hum. Maybe a little much. But I take this blogging thing seriously, and I want to publish a book, so building an author-platform is essential for my career. Connecting to other bloggers seems the way to go, and leaving comments on their posts (never to get the spotlights on you, of course, always júst to add value to them) is the way to do it. So, I changed my settings on my account, and now I am notified of every comment anyone leaves on any of these 49 blogs.
Seemed like a good thing to do, you know. I am set up to respond to posts and comments, write something smart and snazzy, and be seen as an expert in my field. Yep, that will help me build my author platform.
At 12:30 AM I go to bed, dreaming of my first published book.
I wake up this morning with 250 emails. Two hours later it is 370. Every comment anyone makes on any of these blogs is sent to me. I mean any.
Hum. Maybe I need to change my settings. Maybe I don’t need to read every comment every other blogger makes on any of these blogs. Maybe I can slow down a little bit in my ambition. Maybe just first writing my own blogs. And maybe leave a comment once or twice on someone else’s. And spend the rest of the time creating an income.
A fine new year’s resolution
Hum. That sounds like a fine new year’s resolution.
by Elly van Laar | May 18, 2013 | Personal Growth
Day 8 of my Rejection Therapy: OMG! Someone signed up for my blog! Oh no! Panic! Terror! Someone might actually be reading my posts! OMG!! I can stop my rejection therapy right now: there is enough rejection risk in this one person following my posts. And it is not even my parents, my ever encouraging sisters, my dear and faithful friends: it’s someone I have never even heard of!… It is a scam… He wants to sell me something… He wants me to read his blog… He wants to date me… He wants to have sex with me… Oh no! I have to tell him I am married and my house is locked! I have to get in touch with him, and tell him to unsubscribe. I never planned for someone to have an interest… Maybe he doesn’t have an interest!… Maybe he is just gonna post nasty comments… Maybe he is gonna copy my posts… Maybe… My mind runs out of options… Nope, it’s not: it’s back in the race: Maybe he is just curious. Maybe he is looking for inspiration. Maybe he has positive intentions. Maybe he wants to be coached by me. Yep, he definitely wants to benefit from my services! And my mind spins of oncemore: I see myself on television shows, I see the blockbuster movie based on my blog, I see my novel piled up in every bookstore, I see truckloads of people lined up for my autograph.
And then I see my hand touching the keyboard. Just writing a blog. About reading a blog.