Happy Participants
A world of peace and connection with those I care about most
"I never dreamed the conflicts and arguments in my relationships could be overcome. I felt locked in a frustrating cycle of trying to talk, but seemingly always ending in an argument or worse: feeling emotionally disconnected. David and Elly have shown me a truth that has changed my life. Through their Nonviolent Communication teaching and loving compassion, I have learned how to listen for the first time. To hear others and in doing so open a world of peace and connection with those I care about most. NVC is so simple, but so effective.”
Fun and engaging and very welcoming
"I’ve been attending the Nonviolent Communication practice group for over two years and continue to find value in the practice, as well as new areas of my life where I can apply empathy and Nonviolent Communication. Elly’s style is fun and engaging and very welcoming to new members joining the group. I recommend the group to anyone interested in bringing more empathy into their lives or learning more about Nonviolent Communication.”
Ideal amount of lesson and paired empathy practice
“The Nonviolent Communication workshop was great. Ideal amount of lesson and paired empathy practice, with a well-balanced intermixing of the two modes. Content was excellent and flowed nicely. The created environment felt safe. The pairings were good and I was surprised at the ease I felt continuing our stories even though it was with a new person. It’s good to switch up the people because each pairing brings a refreshing dynamic and new insight. Overall, I got a lot out of it.”
Nonviolent Communication Practice Groups
We have two practice meetings a week: Sundays (1:00-3:30 pm) and Mondays (7:00-9:15 pm) at our home, Hydepark. We typically follow the same format: check-in, dialogue about an NVC-topic, empathy pairings, and closing circle. We ask $20 to support the continuing education of the coaches. Contact us if you want to join.
Visit Us
Eilers Avenue, Hyde Park
Austin, Texas 78751
Benefits of Nonviolent Communication
- Deeper ability to connect to others and ourselves through empathy
- Better understanding that everything we say or do is an attempt to meet universal, human needs
- More openness to connect to feelings as messengers of needs met or unmet
- More acceptance that some strategies are a tragic expression of unmet needs
- More willingness to offer support for collaborative solutions, when needs are unmet
Nonviolent Communication helps:
overcome conflicts and arguments in your relationships
Everything we think, say, and do is an attempt to meet a universal, human need.
We share the same human needs throughout space and time. People in China want respect, autonomy and connection just like people in Nigeria. The Aztecs and the Romans all wanted understanding, acceptance, support, just like we do.
Because our needs are universal throughout space and time, we can understand each other. We understand what it is like to want love, belonging, safety. We have compassion for our shared humanity.
One of the beauties of recognizing universal human needs is that they open up our capacity for mutual understanding and our options for collaboration.
Strategies are specific ways to meet our needs.
Strategies are localized in space and time and idiosyncratic to each of us. Safety is a need, $60.000 net income a year a strategy to meet that need. A monastic for example does want safety — to be protected from harm. $60.000 net income a year doesn’t mean much to them. Having shelter and being free from persecution does.
UNIVERSAL, PRECIOUS, HUMAN NEEDS
Autonomy
- to choose one’s dreams, goals, values
- to choose one’s plan for fulfilling one’s dreams, goals, values
Celebration
- to celebrate the creation of life and dreams fulfilled
- to celebrate losses: loved ones, dreams, etc. (mourning)
Integrity
- authenticity
- creativity
- meaning
- self-worth
Interdependence
- acceptance
- appreciation
- closeness
- community
- consideration
- contribution to the enrichment of life (to exercise one’s power by giving that which contributes to life)
- emotional safety
- honesty (the empowering honesty that enables us to learn from our limitations)
- love
- reassurance
- respect
- support
- trust
- understanding
- warmth
Play
- fun
- laughter
Spiritual Communion
- beauty
- harmony
- inspiration
- order
- peace
Physical Nurturance
- air
- food
- movement, exercise
- protection from life-threatening forms of life: viruses, bacteria, insects, predatory animals
- rest
- sexual expression
- shelter
- touch
- water
(c) Rosenberg, M. (2016), “Nonviolent Communication, a language of life”, California, USA: PuddleDancer Press, p. 54-55
Stay in touch
Read how Elly stumbles through life and learns how to practice empathy, mindfulness and compassion.
Our Blog
You would never make this mistake 15 times
As you might know, in September David and I moved to the Netherlands to be closer to my parents. To travel lightly, we sold and gave away most of our furniture. Now that our container has arrived with all our boxes, it’s time to replace some of that furniture. I find...
NEW! The conflict translation app
In a stressful relationship, confusion easily leads into distrust and disconnect. You might need a mediator to create more understanding.
You can’t wipe a butt on Zoom
The best way to resolve conflict is to meet in person. Especially if you use Thich Nhat Hanh’s “Beginning Anew.” It is a sequence of sharing appreciation, regret, and then requests. The focus is on improving the relationship by nurturing honesty and empathy so that your requests are true requests, not camouflaged demands.
The ridiculous imposter
Sometimes our worst critics live in our own head. Those inner saboteurs can stop us from following our truest aspiration. There are tools to work with them constructively.
Cancelling my mindfulness subscription
We all have inner saboteurs, remnants of our responses to our environment when we were young.
As we grow older, we can send them for retirement and start living from our values and aspirations.
One sure way to harm your close relationships
We often confuse needs and strategies, which is a sure way to harm relationships. Learn how you can avoid this mistake.
What a prom dress has to do with mental decluttering
Physical and mental decluttering have similarities. But there are important differences.
Packing up is never easy, I know, but I have to go
Many things are easier when you do them together. Moving is one of them, being a nonprofit leader another.
Here’s one good reason to blame and bitch as much as you want
Empathy helps to transform enemy images into feelings and needs.
What you need to not get confused about the direction you’re taking
I am wandering around Houston airport looking for signs that I am at the right gate for my connecting flight to Amsterdam. I can’t find any. Nor anyone at the help desk. I feel confused and start to feel anxious. If I am at the wrong gate, I will miss my flight and be...
This is how hairspray in your armpit can help with your sense of community
Shared humanity and seeing that others struggle like us is the most important thing for community building.
What does a birdfeeder have to do with being a leader?
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“It’s okay to be white.” Really?!
Coming together won’t change your situation, but it can be so empowering and relieving to know you’re not alone.
How my toilet visit at La Palma can help you with conflict resolution
Habits are hard to break. And when they have been cultivated over the years, your body will execute those habits without your mind ever having to think about it. Driving our car is an example. Brushing our teeth. Chopping the veggies. And throwing toilet paper in the...
The one thing you can do when you have lied
What do you do if you hear yourself lying? Admitting it might be scary, but it does support your integrity and can strengthen the relationship.
Honor Culture and Conflict Coaching
On the day my neighbors move out, I hang out with the kids while they pack their car. At the end of their final check through the house, they turn off the air conditioner. A few days later, a handyman paints the kitchen cabinets and turns it back on. This makes sense,...
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Don’t worry, your unpleasant feelings are here to stay
Unpleasant feelings are like a check-engine light. Accept them as messengers of needs.
Do you keep pushing things to the backburner?
Our landlord is coming over to walk through the house and yard to see what needs repair after the winter storm. We haven’t had visitors for a year. The house has experienced a “Covid effect”. Items are scattered within easy reach, the living spaces are clean enough...
Get moving!
Zoom-parties are fun. And it’s even better to meet in person. Schedule a coaching walk with me to gt moving, physically and mentally.
Broken Bucket
A coaching community can help you connect to your values and aspirations, achieve your goals, and live in integrity.
Who is your rescue angel?
When I arrived in Austin in 2009, I signed up for an improv class. I had been part of an amateur theatre group In the Netherlands. I played Konstanze in Mozart, Ophelia in Hamlet, and roles in many commedia dell’arte...
Cockroach in a bookcase
A colleague who blames you for their mistake. A CEO who raises their voice at you. Team members who complain about each other. Small issues that can erode trust, understanding, collaboration. What do you do to resolve those issues before they get out of hand?
Conflict can feel like balancing on a tight rope
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Tragic Expressions of Unmet Needs
Why are you triggered when you receive someone’s tragic expression of unmet needs? Because your needs are unmet. What can you do to respond constructively? By empathizing.
Click-Whirr
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Who needs conflict resolution skills? I do! [especially with squirrels]
When you want to resolve conflict, it helps to understand the needs underneath the strategy. And then to share language and find solutions. There are 5 secrets to it.
1 Communication lesson from a kitty
Instead of turning away or against tragic expressions of unmet needs, we can learn how to turn toward them and resolve conflicts.
The toilet is constipated
I just cleaned the bathroom, when my toilet gets constipated. Before I know it, the bowl with all of its contents is overflowing. I am too late to grab the plunger. I can only stand there and see the spotless floor turn into a yukky mess. I have no choice but to grab...
The man with the hat
Empathy needs honesty. That means leaving your team leader hat on the hook and listening as a human to a fellow human.
Empathy with Confederalists
Of course, he reacts to my Facebook post about restitution for descendants of slaves with: “You are free to give all of your money to the descendants of slaves if you wish. But ordering me to do it at the point of a gun is morally wrong. That’s no different than...
Your coworker is yelling at you. Now what?
“Elly, Elly!” Layla jumps up and down when she sees me. Then she starts running around her mom in circles. Her older sister Lily tells me with a serious look on her face: “We had a good talk yesterday.” I agree. I had never realized the importance of streamers on your...
Empathy without compassion
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Protests, grackles, and ways of renewal
There are protests in Austin. A car is set on fire, nine shops are vandalized. The police use tear gas and I can hear helicopters all night long. The highway is blocked off by protesters, I can hear voices through a megaphone. probably less than three miles away. And...
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Man’s Search for Meaning
We are not determined by our conditions, by our conditioning, by our childhood. We determine ourselves by our search for meaning.
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Bumping your head against the communication ceiling
A few months ago I did a little market research. I wanted to know: Who are my best clients? I could do this very scientifically. And I could do it quick and not-so-dirty. My favorite research method is: Follow the results. Which clients come back, year after year?...
Are you making these five mistakes when asking for what you want?
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Peeing on Zoom
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I fall from a wobbly chair and twist my ankle
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A bee is waking me up
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Big pitbull rolling over my shoes
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