My foster daughter invites me to start an exercise discipline. We use the 7-Minutes app to do 13 exercises, each morning. We both do it at home and inspire each other to stick to the routine.
I say ‘yes’ to support her in her ambitions for a fit, strong body.
And I hate it.
Push-up, plank, lunges, wall sit, high stepping, push-up-and-rotation. I dread them all. There is absolutely nothing I like about it, and I don’t really care that I might get fitter or stronger.
But I continue for her. I then find that she had quit within a few months.
But by now I no longer experience the 13 exercises as so gruesome, or even unpleasant, and begin to like being more fit. I feel the boost of dopamine each time my app counts my new streak.
Even when I only have two hours of sleep during 27 hours of travel, or I have to get up at 6 am, or I am at the airport: I am now on a mission to do my seven minutes, no matter what!
At day 470 I feel super proud of myself. I am approaching 500!
Then I go for a hike with my nephew, we have lunch, and I go to the bathroom.
And I drop my phone in the toilet.
My phone stops working for 25 hours.
And I lose my streak.
No 471 for me.
I can start all over again.
In the past, I might have been so disappointed with myself that I would have given up.
But this time it is different. The 470 days in a row got me hooked enough to return to my routine the next day, even though the app starts at 0.
I realize that I am not exercising for the dopamine, the short-lived reward of the app count, or even to get stronger. I am practicing to build up self-discipline, to stick to a program whether I feel like it or not.
I am actually practicing living by my values and vision, whatever my circumstances, conditions, or conditioning are. I am nurturing what Viktor Frankl calls the ultimate freedom, the freedom to choose who we want to be, and how we want to respond in each instant of life.
You too might face situations that you dread. Struggling to do things because they are challenging. Starting conversations that might derail into more conflict.
Whether it is your interaction with a Director you see as too demanding of you. Or figuring out how to respond to a leader you think is self-serving. Or finding some mutual understanding in a leadership team that seems at odds with itself.
Or just hanging in there as you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, maybe even tired enough to move on to an organization that is easier to work in.
Only for those situations, there is no app.
No simple instructions to go through the motions.
No celebration when you succeed at your commitments, whatever your circumstances.
My clients reach out to me when they want support to have those dialogues. To deepen understanding, find resolutions, and strengthen the team. I support leadership teams, boards, and organizations of all sizes. I share the tools and insights to help you find constructive solutions in conflict.
As a result, you will:
Be empowered to transform future conflict into constructive solutions
See the beautiful motivation behind everyone’s actions
Understand the underlying causes of misunderstanding that lie at the root of the conflict
Build the trust that empowers working together toward a common goal
Clarify the priorities to align your team
Make requests with Santa-Claus energy
Learn to fail fast and forward
Walk away with strategies that increase the effectiveness
Talk to me if you want to discuss how this could help you and your organization. I have 23 years of experience with nonprofit organizations, I am a credentialed mediator, certified coach, and I have a lifelong commitment to nourish empathy and compassion:
Sofia Barbato, Director Supportive Services, Foundation Communities, Austin
“I think the other real benefit was just a different way of thinking about things. So thinking about when maybe there’s some conflict in a team meeting, thinking about that conflict in a different way and more as an opportunity to figure out how to collaborate. And I really liked the stuff that we did around Nonviolent Communication, really thinking about the needs and strategies. And I think once I started seeing conversations with people through that lens, it really changed those conversations and made them to be a little bit more collaborative. I felt like I had more empathy for the people that I was working with, whether that be co-workers or clients, and then be able to not even problem-solve, but just kind of solution-find together to figure out what met both people’s needs. And that the strategies sometimes are going to be different, but that we needed to really look at what are the actual needs that we were trying to address.”