Nourish relationships and self-care

Empathy works. It always does.

10 Steps to resolve your dilemma

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DilemmaSome miracles happen in the small corner of your life. My beloved friend Pandora Taylor offered to help me with my dilemma and guide me through a process, loosely based on polarity management. And my goodness, did it help! I feel relieved, relaxed and at peace with the clarity about what I truly want, and what my next step is towards getting there.

You can do this process for yourself, with someone else, or for someone else, whenever you are stuck in an either/or situation. You can download the Polarity Matrix PDF to work on it for yourself. This is what an empty matrix looks like. A filled in matrix is at the bottom of the page to serve as an example.

TITLE OF CELL I + II:

II B: Positives of Choice 2: 

Translation of positives into universal, human needs:

I A: Positives of Choice 1:

Translation of positives into universal, human needs:

TITLE OF CELL III + IV:

III A: Negatives of Choice 1: IV B: Negatives of Choice 2:

1. Make a matrix.

2. In the upper right corner write down all the positives of the one choice. You might want to close your eyes and focus on your breath, as you visualize and connect to all the positives of that choice.

3. In the upper left corner write down all the positives of the other choice. Give yourself time to connect to all the positives of that choice.

4. In the bottom left corner write down all the negatives of the first choice. Feel the negatives of this choice.

5. In the bottom right corner write down all the negatives of the other choice. Feel the negatives of that choice.

6. Give a title to the upper row: the positives of both choices.

7. Give a title to the bottom row: the negatives of both choices.

8. Capture everything in the upper right cell in terms of universal, human needs.

9. Capture everything in the upper left cell in terms of universal, human needs.

10. What comes up for you, as you connect to the most important needs within yourself? Can you see a doable, positive step you can take towards bringing the needs in both cells into your life?

I realize I want to stay. My doable, positive step is to continue calling my parents every week, raise my income, rent a holiday home in the Netherlands in July, and invite them as my guests for a week. Then I can nurture them, support them, take care of shopping, making meals, entertainment, rest and connection. That sounds very yummy.

HOPE

II B: Leave for the Netherlands

  • Closeness with family and friends
  • Immediate availability to support my mom and dad
  • Financial safety
  • Sense of home, “Dutch smell”, nature
  • Culture

Acceptance, Belonging

Connection, To support, Financial safety

I A: Stay in Austin

  • Connection with my nanny kids
  • Autonomy
  • Connection with and support for my husband
  • Beautiful, spacious home in the woods
  • Exciting new opportunities
  • Growing business, unique selling point: I’m Dutch

Autonomy, Growth,

Connection, Comfort, Excitement

DEPRESSION

III A: Stay in Austin

  • Financial distress
  • Less availability for connection with and support for my family and friends
  • Not honoring my own intention to take care of my parents as they grow old
IV B: Leave for the Netherlands

  • Starting all over again
  • Small house in not so great neighborhood
  • Fear of not getting enough space and acceptance for my own choices
  • Cold, dark, rainy weather

—–

You want help to resolve your dilemma? Contact me for a complimentary, discovery session 512-589-0482

 

 

Author: Elly van Laar

I am a coach. I specialize in helping professionals schedule time for relationships and self-care. I have a Master's degree in Political Science, Leiden University, the Netherlands. I love meditation, walking, gardening, biking, and hanging out with family and friends.

3 thoughts on “10 Steps to resolve your dilemma

  1. Pingback: Six step to make conscious commitments | Elly van Laar, Compassion Coach

  2. Elly (and Pandora),
    Thanks for sharing this valuable tool. I will be putting it to much (good) use!
    Doyle

    Like

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